June 22 2015
Well day one of Institute and I have already broken down.
I will be teaching at Boys’ Latin Charter School in West Philadelphia for the next 5 weeks. The school is amazing, the staff is passionate and enthusiastic and I really love my group and my ‘collab’ specifically, his name is Jaycee. My collab is the person I will be team teaching with during Institute.
In my group, the STEM geeks, there are 12 Corps Members (CMs). And at Boys’ Latin Charter School there were 8 positions for freshman academy math and 4 positions for (get this) Biochemistry I and II. BIOCHEMISTRY. MY MAJOR. A CLASS I HAVE EXPERIENCE BEING A TEACHER’S ASSISTANT IN. A SUBJECT I AM INSANELY PASSIONATE ABOUT. Anddddd my assignment is: math.
For those of you that know me well, you know I despise math almost as much as I love ranch (and even if you don’t know me that well the ranch comparison should shed some light on how I feel because you probably know how much I love ranch).
Anyways, it took everything I had to not break down in front of everyone right then and there. My Corps Member Adviser (CMA) Matt took me into the hall and I lost it. Why wouldn’t the choose ME over anyone for one of the biochemistry positions? Matt then told me that he also majored in biochemistry, entered TFA to teach high school chemistry and was assigned high school English at Institute. He said “I walked out when I got my placement, so you’re already doing better than me”. Which made me feel insanely better, as I was crying like I was saying by to my friends in Albuquerque all over again. I had to suck it up for the remaining three hours, I couldn’t cry in front of all those intelligent, professional TFA CMs.
I just got back to my dorm and let it all out. Cried and cried. My roommate hates her placement and my other suite-mates came back and one of them is crying harder than I was because of her placement. Like it’s cussing devastating that we have to throw ourselves into a subject outside of our content area. I shimmied over to my desk and wrote this email to my CMA that has all my thoughts.
Hello Matt.
So I have cried it out a little longer in my dorm room and I am still sad and scared. I just need to say a few more words before I let it go. The reason I am so upset is because I always give 100% in everything that I do. I never agree to something unless I am willing to give it my all and that’s why I feel so conflicted. How am I supposed to give ‘being a math teacher’ my all when I’m not the slightest bit interested in the subject? How am I going to get students to care about it, when I barely scraped my way through math classes in high school? How am I supposed to write a vision statement for a class when I’m terrified there’s no way I’ll actually fulfill that vision because I can’t teach the content due to my inability to grasp the concepts?
The best teachers are the ones who are passionate about what they are teaching. And I am absolutely not passionate about math… .
I really love Boys’ Latin and I’ve never quit anything in my entire life and I won’t start now. But I have to say how I feel now before I take a breath and brace for the next five weeks as a math teacher. Whoever made the classroom assignments, made a mistake.There is not a single person there that is more passionate or who would work harder than I would to make that biochemistry course absolutely amazing.
I am not doubting the other CM’s abilities but I know, whole-heartedly I belong in that biochemistry classroom this summer. We talk so in depth about how our work is all about the students and how student achievement is our number one priority. Wouldn’t placing a teacher who is just insanely excited about biochemistry and committed to teaching it be the best option for the students?
Ultimately I know in my heart of hearts the students are the ones that will get the short end of the stick, the ones in my math class and the ones that won’t get to have me as a biochemistry teacher. And this does not sit well with me, nor do I feel like it aligns with the mission of TFA. Just because it is summer school, the students shouldn’t have to suffer as I try to re-learn freshman math. I can’t just keep the mindset ‘oh well at least I’ll get some learning experience’. I feel like I am being set up to fail and it’s the worst feeling. Especially when I could do absolutely amazing in a classroom with baby biochemists.
With that being said, My number one goal for institute was to establish a functioning and tactful classroom management plan. So I am going to focus on that. I am going to work my absolute hardest to make sure I am the best freaking math teacher I possibly could be. Getting better at math will only make me better at science and I’m just appreciative I wasn’t placed in English or Reading. I have accepted it and the only way for me to get anything out of this is if I fully commit to it, so I won’t be upset or bring it up again. But if there is someone you could pass my email along to that is responsible for the placement process for institute classrooms, I would appreciate it. I have an idea for a pre-institute survey that could assist in assigning placements!
Sorry this ended up being so much longer than I had originally planned. Thank you for your time and I really am looking forward to getting through these next five weeks with you!
Hope this finds you happy and healthy,
Jenna Claire Hall
And just like that I’ll be teaching math. The most frustrating part is that if I was teaching biochemistry, a content area I am familiar with, I wouldn’t have to waste time learning it, I could just focus on my lesson plan. Now, I am going to have to work harder, spend even more time, get even less sleep learning the material to ensure I can effectively teach it.
It’s daunting and frustrating and overwhelming. But I’m going to do it.
All Things Jenna 